Random, concussion-induced musings

So, as you might be aware if you follow me on twitter, I have a concussion. Yep, a concussion.

How you may ask? I am so glad you asked! Let me tell you!

In a brilliant move last night, I was traversing the Route Irish of our house; the pitch black alley of death between my bed and the toilet part of the bathroom. in the 15 feet before the I reach relief, I must daftly avoid the attacks of any number of snipers (random floor-borne hazards) and road-side bombs (doors ajar). So last night, the shower door--the insurgent of the bathroom--left itself open at such an angle that it hit me dead on in the eyebrow. There was no glancing-blow...I hit it dead-on, and my bell was rung. After evading further attack (and taking out my anger on both Mr shower door and Mr bathroom door), I sat down on the toilet (yes, I'm secure enough in my manhood to admit I sit down when I pee. I'm just too lazy to stand there, and secondly, I stopped peeing standing up once I started having to clean my own bathroom. Just never know where that stream is going to go, especially at night. And that's disgusting.)...I digress. I sat down on the toilet and started bleeding. A lot.

Today I was dizzy, completely nauseous and hurting pretty bad. I'll be fine, but it was not pleasant.

So, these are a random collection of thoughts in a concussion induced state.

- I love my parents. As each day in my maturation (drinking from the fire hose of real life) as a man, Dad, husband and step-dad comes & goes, I have a renewed appreciation and admiration for my wonderful Mom, my amazing Dad, and my loving Step-Mom. In short, they friendships are more precious than gold, and their characters more solid, righteous and inspiring than any hero that Hollywood could write into even the best of screenplays. I love My Mom, Dad and Step-Mom so very much.

- I also have a burning anger, disgust and disappointment in my Step-Dad. I don't feel good about having so much anger, but its the type of righteous anger that I believe we are supposed to feel towards evil, sin and destruction. I do need to move my heart to the New Testament part of this chapter and find grace and a peace that surpasses all understanding. I'm just not there though.

- My wife is my best friend, and our marriage is the absolute greatest gift and joy of my life. Not because its a party or always easy. Those of you who know me, know I am far too passionate, grumpy, irritable and emotional for any relationship to be smooth sailing. But also among you, you have told me my heart is as big as five states. And that with God's grace and Jill-just-being perfect-hearted-Jill, its amazing.

- I am really praying to know in what way God wants me to use my gifts, talents and passions to bring Him glory and advance the Kingdom. I know it's going to be a strategic position, with great opportunity. He's put in deeply in my heart. But what does that look like? What will be my life's work and ministry outside of the home?

- Lebron James is the biggest freak I have ever seen. And Brian McKiernan and Adam Coyne still owe me $100 each because I bet them back in 2003 that King James would have a better rookie year than anyone in the modern era other than Oscar Robertson. Pay up suckas. He's perhaps more of a freak emotionally than physically. I mean think about it. This 18 year old lived up to, and continues to surpass any and all expectations, under greater pressure and scrutiny than has ever been placed on any athlete. Ever. Amazing. I love Lebron.

- I love Brady Quinn too. A great friend of mine had lunch with the Browns front-office and BQ this week. And at 23, this kid really gets it. In a Christian perspective and understanding of his blessings, talents and opportunity. I really want to see him succeed.

- I am a jerk sometimes. Sometimes I just have nothing but irritation. Grumpiness. I act like the 7 year old Jared crawled inside the 30 year old Jared and started knifing the 30 year old and blaming it on everyone else around. In a way it just reminds me of how young I am. How fast it seems I had to grow up. How much more it seems I have to grow to be the man that God designed me to be.

- But you know what? I'm on God's path for my life right now, so that growth and maturation is called: SANCTIFICATION. So, I'm cool.

- Don't tase me bro!

- I have the need.....the need for speed........

- Ah ha....Jester's dead!

- And two of your snot-nose punks buzzed my tower at over 400 knots! I want some butts!

Love this video below...and I love you!

peace.

jls

10 things I love right now

So I haven't written much lately? So what? Neither has Shakespeare!

Inspired by my friend Jay McKenney, I submit for your digestion, the top 10 things I love right now (and maybe a few that didn't make the cut)

1. The daily sanctification of my crazy life as I desperately walk (picture the kid that jogs through the mall to keep up with power-walking Mom) with Christ.

Wow! So my best friend and soul mate, Jill has been Jill Still since 7 Dec. In April, I finally migrated completely to our beautiful home in Plano, TX. Every. Single. Day. since Dec 7th has been transformational in my maturation as a Christian, a man, and what it means to be a hubby/daddy/step-daddy, Christian man.

2. My wife.

I can not even put into words the powerful, planet moving, soul-burning, life-changing, Jesus-reflecting, amazing agape, love that I enjoy from, and feel for, my wife Jill. Her heart. Our trust. Our communication. Our commitment to fight fairly through deep, real, recovery-needed-because-we've-both-been-really-hurt-issues. I know more about becoming a more Holy man, because the demand is in my face every single day. Marriage demands my absolute best. My absolute most. My absolute humility. My absolute most grace. And guess what? I'm never that good. Never. That's what is so amazing when you find that you-are-not-enough, and the distance between you and your wife is easily overcome by the 'combat bridge' of Jesus, Scripture, and my wife's own heart, love and grace. It's also amazing to see the power of certainty of our commitment being that of a lifetime. It is like building a house on top of Pikes Peak's 14,115 feet of granite, and hoping that it survives high-tide from the Atlantic Ocean. Yeah, it's that powerful.

3. Football.

In May, you ask? Yes. The draft a couple weeks ago was an annual renewal of my deep desire to be operationally involved in football. The NFL Network starting "Hard Knocks", a deep look inside the training camp of the KC Chiefs got me burning with that desire to be a part some day.

I love the business, I love the sport, I love the stories, I love the game & enterprise completely. Sorry defense world. Someday I will be in football.

4. Being a Daddy and step-daddy. I will go into much further detail in future posts, but to tease the subject, I am so in love and so grateful for the toughest job I've ever under-taken.

5. Raytheon contracting.

I am being used in the right capacity (more frequently) on exciting programs. I'm consistently 10-20 years junior to everyone else in the room; and if I may say so myself, through God's great blessing, I continue to flourish in those settings. I love being good at something, and while not always exciting, having a role, impact and your peer's respect, is really cool.

6. The Broncos draft.

With the addition of DT Kentwan Balmer right before the draft for a conditional pick in 2009 (basically for free because he'll never play 65% of downs in the Broncos scheme that rotates their lineman on so many downs), I feel the Broncos addressed their remaining needs with exceptional scouting and finding great potential value(including taking OT Ryan Clady at the highest pick the Broncos have had in about a decade at 12th overall, and getting a great KR & potential slot WR at 42 in Royal from VT). I am really excited that they drafted two married fathers and a guy that was at Bible study when he got his draft call (read: maturity)

7. USC Football

USC had perhaps the best draft of anyone. Wow, Pete Carroll can recruit and coach. And wow, am I excited to see another undefeated Trojan season and BCS National Championship!

8. Plano and Frisco, TX

I love this area so far. Really excited to explore more with Jill and the girls over the summer.

9. Finding a Church home.

As in, we really need to find one. I do really feel led to The Village Church in Highland Village. They're part of the Act 29 network (as is Mars Hill Church in SEA. And the Mars Hill pastor Mark Driscoll has been extremely influential this year in my theological growth. Thank you God for podcasting. See # 10). But we haven't decided and gotten connected yet. But I do know & trust that wherever that may be, that it is God that has taken us there and will use the community in the life of Jill, the girls and I.

10. Podcasting Sermons.

I've been so spiritually fed lately by sermons by a number of great, great pastors and Bible teachers. They all have different styles and are currently in different areas of instruction and emphasis in their teachings, but I am so blown away by God's word coming alive in my life through the teachings of:

Mark Driscoll, Mars Hill Church, SEA

Brady Boyd, New Life Church, Colorado Springs, CO (my Dad's Church)

Matt Chandler, The Village Church, Dallas, TX

Tommy Nelson, Denton Bible, Denton, TX

More financial structural disconnect

I got this email from my ex's Dad over the weekend. Bill is President of the National Cotton Shippers Association and President of Phoenix's Handwerker-Winburne Cotton, Inc. He is truly an global expert in the commodity, and an awesome capitalist. They move the commodity physically and they move the future/derivatives financially.

I've read and re-read it a few times, trying to "get" all of the underlying micro and structural macro forces that are at play right now in this economy. It's crazy...it's not very pretty.

Wanted to share for your digestion.

Jared

ps, I'm back. After a 5 month blogging break, (the most amazing, blessed, intense spiritual, relational, beautiful personal, and God-driven 5 months of my life) I promise now to be more fully committed to my writing...even if I will just be talking to myself :)

jls

=====================================================================================

Jared: Mauldin's (Outside the Box) article a couple of weeks ago covered these bonds and their potential for an inability to "reset". Although quality bonds like the ones noted in the description below are pretty secure, the very fact they catapulted from 3 to 6-7% illustrates the growing lack of liquidity in this market along with growing concern over the level of the $. The municipalities were simply trying to capitalize on an inverted yield curve with short term rates so low. Party's over!

The challenge will now be trying to put this economy back together. No small task and even more daunting in an election year when candidates will promise anything to get elected. In this environment.....no one wants to tell it like it is. Any unfortunately again.....most people don't want to hear it.

My take......"the tip of the iceberg". I think we're really in trouble. It will become global.

In a somewhat related issue, I just came back from D.C. last night. Likely having gone unnoticed by most people, the cotton futures market last week went absolutely ballistic. A week ago yesterday, Friday the 28th, cotton was 'limit-up" in all futures months. Again limit up on Monday. Coincidently, Monday was also the first day that commodity futures were to be margined at their "synthetic" value, not just the close on the day. Although cotton futures were limit up and trading halted....the options markets continue to trade. A "synthetic value" (or value at which the futures would likely be trading to yield such options prices) is determined and posted by the board of trade. On Monday, margin calls for cotton were issues at 11.5 cents/lb. Concurrently, the minimum amount required to trade was increased by approx. 30%. Margin calls to the cotton trade (of which business like mine are an integral part) was approximately 1.8 Billion dollars. Significant positions were liquidated the following morning following many's inability to post the margin. Our market has never seen such a massive move in one day and coupled with the need to margin "synthetically" it virtually put many out of business. The market followed thru on Tuesday and Wednesday at limit-up each day then Thursday and Friday "limit down".
Absolutely incredible and of course uncertainty prevails today.

Actually, as luck would have it, I was attending a board of directors meeting in D.C. on Tuesday and Wednesday. Our group visited the Chairman of the House Ag Committee and the senior staffers for the chairman of the Senate Ag committee (purpose was initially to discuss pending farm bill issues). In the environment of this upheaval of the cotton futures market, and thru the help of our Washington legal counsel, we arranged a meeting on Friday morning with the Chairman of the "CFTC" (Commodity Futures Trading Commission). He came to our directors meeting and brought along his chief of surveillance. Incredible meeting and discussion. Insight into the markets that I had never imagined. These financial markets are global to say the least and as one might assume, prone to outside efforts to manipulate, avoid detection, veiled trader identies, etc., etc., I will say, I was amazed at the CFTC's prompt attention to our concerns and the chairman left with what I feel was a genuine interest in looking into the impetus of what went wrong. "Wrong" in that the futures market price had become "completely" disconnected from the value of the underlying commodity. Completely.

I might add that it is common knowledge that not only energy but "grain" prices have exploded. There are fundamental reason why the "grains" have moved significantly higher. Principally is the energy policy congress has adopted to create ethanol from corn. Corn acreage has moved from the agricultural sector to the energy sector. Consequently, feed grains have risen significantly, not only corn but wheat as well. Note that world wheat supplies are near historical lows. So of course with acreage moving into the energy complex, you would expect wheat, oats, soybean prices to move higher to compete with corn for "acreage". But world cotton stocks are at high historical levels......simply not warranting the kind of market explosion we say last week.

I could go on but I only create more questions than answers. I try not to be an alarmist but "concerned" just doesnt' quite get the message across. Buckle-up and get ready to hold on!

Hope you get a chance to come to Mimi's graduation. If you haven't heard, she was just accepted to NYU's (New York University) Masters program in Spanish literature in Madrid, Spain.

Regards,
Bill

I'm causing myspace drama!

YOU. Stupid Denver Donkeys!

YOU SUCK! And Mikey Shanny...I am tired of your stupid face! just LEAVE!

(but I'm not quite deleting you)

I'm talking to YOU, you stupid Denver Broncos Alias!

(and I'm not quite dropping you from my top-friends...dropping you to the bottom so people know how MAD I AM AT YOU!)

Trust me Denver, this hurts me more than it hurts you.

We go back 30 years...30 freaking years!

And this is all you can give me?

I drove to the "whale's vagina", I mean, San Diego to see you SMACK THE PACK!

My parents left me home to see Craig Morton diarrhea all over the field and himself in New Orleans.

I cried against the Giants.

I cried for 3 quarters against Dougie and the Skins

I cut off my ear AND MAILED IT TO YOU after the Niner's

Then I cried, cried, and cried with joy against the Pack & Falcons.

AND THIS IS ALL YOU CAN GIVE ME?!

I HATE YOU DENVER!

Nice run defense F'ers!

The guys with the ball, running between the tackles, are RUNNING BACKS...NOT BOMB-VEST-STRAPPED PALESTINIAN TERRORISTS!

You CAN, and in fact MUST tackle them! Hit them! HIT SOMEBODY!

When the little man kicks the football to you, run forward, without falling down...and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, if you drop that f'ing ball again, YOU WILL see the afore-mentioned terrorists, bombing your stupid stadium....I mean COUNTRY CLUB AT MILE HIGH!

GROW. SOME. STONES!

League's leading rusher? AND YOU'RE 2-3?!

Solid 2nd year QB? (who might just need to keep his clothes on at private golf courses & stop throwing INT's) AND YOU'RE 2-3?!

BEST WIDE RECEIVING CORPS ever in Denver? EVER?!? AND YOU'RE 2-3?!

Simeon Rice?
Champ Bailey?
DJ Williams?
Dre Bly?

AND YOU'RE 2-3?!

Daniel Graham?
Coach Jim Bates?
Tim Crowder, Marcus Thomas & Jarvis Moss & crazy, little Dumerville?

AND YOU'RE 2-3?!

I HATE YOU RIGHT NOW, DENVER.

But I'll always love. Remember Whitney Houston? Before all the crank & abuse? Yeah, "Bodyguard" type of I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!

Oh my gosh...just so emotional right now! Go...go away forever! Get out of my sight.

NO WAIT. I LOVEYOU! COME BACK!

We can make things like they used to be!

It's bad...but we can make it work.

YOU'RE NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH!

YOU NEVER LOVED ME!

you only love the way that I love you...

NO WAIT! I didn't mean that....I'm so sorry....

YES I DID! I HATE YOUR STUPID TEAM!

I

(tears. pulling out my own hair)

LOVE

(more tears, doing weird break-dancing type of conniption fit on the floor crying)

YOU

(arms wide-open, begging you, the real you to come back)

PLEASE

(heavy, deep, crushing, moaning, weeps of sorrow)

WIN BABY....

JUST FREAKING WIN. (choking on my own tear-filled vomit)

BABY!

the great banking panic of...1907 or 2007??

THis was great perspective...

"To understand fully the crash and panic of 1907, one must consider its context.

A Republican moralist was in the White House.

War was fresh in mind.

Immigration was fueling dramatic changes in society.

New technologies were changing people's everyday lives.

Business consolidators and their Wall Street advisers were creating large, new combinations through mergers and acquisitions, while the government was investigating and prosecuting prominent executives -- led by an aggressive young prosecutor from New York.

The public's attitude toward business leaders, fueled by a muckraking press, was largely negative.

The government itself was becoming increasingly interventionist in society and, in some ways, more intrusive in individual life.

Much of this was stimulated by a postwar economic expansion that, with brief interruptions, had lasted about 50 years.

Bring, then, a sense of irony informed by the present to an understanding of 1907."

Open Letter of Congratulations!

Congrats to Georgia and Auburn!!

Your "powerhouse SEC programs" have now joined Michigan and Notre Dame in the pile of college football crap known as, "your season is now over. Thanks for being over-rated. See you next in 2010. Maybe."

(For the record, my beloved Arizona Wildcats have been there since John Mackovic got there in 2001. We are the ONLY team in the PAC-10 NOT to got the Rose Bowl. Only. Ever. Never.)

Congrats to "the ole ball coach" at Souffff Carolina on the big win in Athens. Love Spurrier...so glad he's beating people in the SEC. I can't wait for the "you can't spell Citrus without UT" blast. I love Urban Meyer--always have--and he's going to win a few championships at Florida, but Spurrier is a beauty. Nothing would be better than this guy just running through the SEC again--especially Alabama...I bet the OBC has some great one-liners locked & loaded for Nicky Saban. Can't wait....

If you all can't handle K-State, South Florida and South Carolina, it is going to be a nightmare against LSU and Florida. Might have to invoke the Little League mercy rule...wow. Good luck.

Speaking of good luck, yeah Arizona, you looked really freaking tough against my squad from NAU. Sure you dominated on the offensive and defensive lines, and executed your downfield passing-game to a T...but it was, let me remind you, against NAU!. All we've learned is that you might give Montana or Portland State, in NAU's BigSky conference, a good game...

Good luck winning a game against anyone outside of Palo Alto in the PAC-10 this year. Conference is the best & toughest it's ever been, 1 through 8. Arizona should win one. Stanford none.

That's all folks. Talk to you from Savannah, GA in 2010!

for those of you who have been woken up by mortar fire

...these might be your favorite clips ever.

I have a time or two....And these are :)

ps, not for the faint of heart--more for my military buddies...

jls

Insurgents suck II

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Insurgents suck I

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