Marriage is for Holiness not Happiness

That's the premise of this book Jill and I were given by my great friend Bruce...and it's earth-shattering in its truth.

I shared that with my great friend & 3-year small-group bro Tim, which prompted him to ask me about it.
God uses marriage to produce holiness in us, not necessarily happiness. Not that they're by any means mutually exclusive...but holiness out of the deep, forging, plodding, extracting commitment to Christ & the relationship produces deep JOY...not the shallow happiness that so much of this world is seeking.

Especially in our culture, (most prevalent in idolatry-centric LA) what's everyone seeking? Happiness right? I think that's a total joke. I'm exceedingly happy--I guess--but it's probably more accurately called joy. Because its been forged by going through some deep unhappiness, producing something that's actually sustainable; joy.

The refining of my & Jill's marriage and our souls has been hard, difficult, and beautiful. Sanctification like I've never experienced...producing holiness and a heart for repentance in us both. We are living the transformation. This book, has just beautifully put it into words.

But it's so counter-intuitive...unless you're willing to have your sin shown to you, cut you, hurt you, and be hurt by someone else's, it's hard to be "happy" in a relationship that is the cleaving of two souls. That's like expecting to watch two continents collide into one another without producing a few volcanoes & an earth quake here & there.

We as any man & wife, are not perfect puzzle pieces (her breath stinks, she has bad gas & my body produces constant rose-petal aromas, just for example)...and as much fiery romanticism as Jill and I share, as much deep passion for each other and life together that we have, we're imperfect, sinful people, of whom God wants what? To be "happy"? Romanced? Healthy & wealthy? He wants us to be in loving relationship with Him and to love others as ourselves. Which manifests itself in our lives in holiness. For two people, the places where we don't 'fit' are our rough, sinful edges. They must be ground-down & cut out to fit into place with the other piece. Places we thought were buried deep until we actually go through life clinging to another soul.

It's so crazy how I feel we are both growing in this holiness virtue, in spite of being shown each others' sin and wickedness up close. This is where God has used it in our lives. I feel we've got a desperation and urgency to be more holy & Christ-like towards each other...which interestingly enough, makes us usually two pretty damn happy people! ;)

Holiness. Happiness.

What are your thoughts? Perceptions? From both in and outside of marriage? Please share!

God Values the Journey. What King David can teach us about the nature of God

GOD VALUES THE JOURNEY. WHAT KING DAVID CAN TEACH US ABOUT THE NATURE OF GOD

2008 PREAMBLE:

This is a re-post of one of the blogs that was most rewarding for me to write. I still find myself working and wrestling through “the journey”.

Many landmark, amazing, incredible things have changed since I wrote this last summer. Jesus has been rocking my world! Most importantly, I am blessed, overjoyed and amazed by the marriage to my best friend and soul mate (who has the coolest name too) Jill Still. I’ve written countless other times about what the true, deep, soulful love has done to my life, hope, faith…and even understanding of and relationship to, God’s love.

I am blessed to know and live into a gigantic part of my calling as a Dad and step-Dad! I am so in love with the opportunity to love and lead our five little angels! It is absolutely the greatest thing imaginable.

I am no longer the dead-broke entrepreneur with no income or hope for financial upside. By the grace of God, I am in a pretty cool role at Raytheon. I now remain as founding-director at Wishy.com, and keep a bit of a stake in the company that I pray so strongly takes-off under the execution and leadership of Deano. Now I manage contracts for cool military technology at Raytheon. Again, by God’s total blessing, I’m well compensated, and while we are definitely dead-broke and barely keeping “altitude”, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We’re trying to be obedient to God’s directions financially, and pray that the long, long journey back to financial solvency can be sanctifying and rewarding as we go through it together.

I am in a totally and completely blessed emotional place as we hit the midpoint of 2008. As Jill well knows, I am not an easy person to go through life with. While I am probably the most emotionally available husband, and live and love with my heart on my sleeve, I am (obviously) very emotional. I ache, I mourn, I lament. I cheer. I love. I love. I anger. I hurt. I despair…and through it all, I am learning to be as faithful as possible to my role as leader in the home, by the striking the difficult balance between humble servitude, gentle teacher, strong correction guy, coach, encourager, and always the loving, affectionate praying husband and Daddy. Whoa, is it hard! I can only do this by the strength and grace of God. But that all is a blog for another day!

I want share what I wrote last year about David and the perspective through which we can see our own lives.

ON THE FRONT LINES OF FAITH IN 2007

GOD VALUES THE JOURNEY

This year, and reaching back by extension to much of last year, has been the most difficult, challenging, fulfilling, testing, inspiring, heart-breaking and invigorating of my entire life. It has been one of the years where those further detached from me feel I’ve been through hell and am not “happy”, being beat up by circumstances and trial. That’s somewhat true (anyone that laughs as much as I do, does *not* have a happiness deficiency). However, it has also been one of those years that those closest to my life—my small group, Deano, Alex, Grant, Pastor Keenan, my Mom & Dad and few others as God brought us in & out of each other’s lives and dialogue—have also seen incredible emotional highs, not in reaction to circumstances, but in celebration of God’s strength, redeeming power, faithfulness and powerful grace. This has also been true.

So, where to begin? Let me turn to the lifeblood of the little understanding I’m granted within this hyper-curious intellect of mine: Scripture.

Matthew 6: 33-34

33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Mark 1: 11-13

11 And a voice came from heaven: "You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased." 12 At once the Spirit sent him out into the desert, 13 and he was in the desert forty days, being tempted by Satan. He was with the wild animals, and angels attended him.

These two scriptures I believe to be offer an incredible framework for understanding my recent walk with Christ, as well as providing a model for a bit of analysis, for the sake of continual growth. I will explain further in parts two and three.

But, for PART ONE, first we are going to consider 1 Samuel 16 through 2 Samuel 5

36 chapters in the Bible, covering twenty-some years. David was the youngest son of Jesse when called from the fields and anointed to be King of Israel by Samuel. (I don’t know how young, but given that he was yet pretty small when he kicked Goliath’s arse, I think we can presume he was no older than 10, 12 at the most.)

So, why are these chapters important?

Well, first of all, David is said to be a man after God’s own heart. God clearly does bestow favor upon those that seek Him in the manner that we were created (in His image). David got it. We men should try to get David. We NEED to try to be like David

To me the chapters hold incredible importance because they detail the journey of into King for David. It cannot be over-emphasized; THE JOURNEY into Kingship. “David was 30 years old, he reigned for 40 years and he did so in the following locations. Yada, yada, yada.”

Wow. And there in 2 Samuel 5: 4 you have the boldest declaration by our Lord of how deeply He values the process in life. The Journey! 36 chapters detailing a life of battles, trial, torment, victory, struggle, fleeing, lamentations and praises of David before ever becoming King. Then 2 Samuel closes with another 19 Chapters detailing the glory, fall, sorrow and praise of David as King, but the heavy-hitting truth to me was that so much weight was cast upon the journey into Kingship of a boy that had been anointed decades earlier!

(This is perfectly captured by New Life Church associate pastor Rob Brendle in “In the Meantime”, available on Amazon Rob's Book Here)

Whoa. I don’t know about you guys, but I was never pulled from the field and anointed with oils by Ronald Reagan, nor George Bush 41 for that matter; yet I have felt—I do feel—a calling, a purpose, a grandiose mission in life, which was due to unfold.

All of us men do.

It is authored there by the Holy Spirit and it stirs inside of us when we dare dream those things that a life of “the normalization of assimilation” has stripped away from our unique dreams, desires and callings that are scripted to be perfectly refined by our Lord, using our blessings and talents for His glory.

That’s a long, run-on sentence way of acknowledging that we are not the sole authors of our dreams. And that our dreams and the intrinsic adventure and required belief-in-self are REPRESSED by the social constructs (the world) in which we conform to, when we’re not “seeking first, the Kingdom of God”.

Yet, even after reading Rob’s book, I would still let impatience (inherently distrust of God’s will in my life) take over as I just.could.not.sit.still.and.wait.

How God? How am I best to wait on your timing? I just feel so convicted and strangely, strengthened by this example of David’s life.

I mean seriously, just how short-sighted and weak is it of me to feel so restless and lost in my own life’s desert, when compared to what David went through?

“God, here I am! With all the food I can eat, so that I’ve actually gained weight. I’m living by the beach in Santa Monica…statistically-speaking I am among the wealthiest, healthiest and safest 1% of people to ever walk this earth…whoa-is-me, God….boo-hoo…I am Jared, and I am broke and a not-so-starving entrepreneur…and here I am, here I am, God, where are you??”

Yeah, ridiculous.

Now, there’s no doubt that the amount of spiritual torment and emotional trial I have been through in this past year has been real. And it has been real hard. But I, like so many of us, need a freaking reality check sometimes, and for me, I found that in David.

Hurting. Lost. Failing with the company? In despair. Sinful. Tired. Exhausted. Broke (as if I had forgotten the level of impoverishment in India I saw in Feb). In debt (as if worrying about it all was doing any good anyways), and under attack.”

Yeah, in reflection, I’m reminded of how relative life and relationships just really are. Whereas, my relative pain, struggle and turmoil was big-time to me, I will always count myself among the most blessed people on the planet.

But what I felt I was going through was my own Psalm 55. And it was new. Raw. Rough. I’ve been through a combat deployment and have been through divorce. And you know what, I would have traded being under fire throughout my tour in Iraq, traveling the roads in our “soft” SUV’s for parts of this year, in a heartbeat. This year was that tough.

To me, war is the natural romantic, intrinsically male “battle to fight” that we all search for (well, at least those of us who have not been overly feminized by “sensitive Christian man” movement.) You must first be a MAN after God’s own heart, as He designed you, before attaining true sensitivity and righteousness. Love Jesus, take the lead, lay down your life for your wife and kids, be emotionally courageous, not constipated.) Sorry for the language and the divergence. Let’s get back to David….

If David was a bit more Jared, we would have had Psalms that sounded more like:

“Really Lord? Freaking REALLY?? Do ye not the oil on the forehead, remembereth?”

“Lord I didn’t tell you I wanted to be King of Israel, you pulled me out of the fields and said, ‘Yep. He’s the one. Bam! Oil. Head.’ Rememberth ye, O Lord?”

“Lord, my God, savior of my soul, if your anointing leadeth one to live and hide in caves, chased to be killed like a wild dog, I would hate to fall out of your favor! Jeesh….”

“O Lord, just HOW busy are you up there that you seem to have lost track of YOUR OWN plan for my life?”

“Remembereth, ye O Lord?? Field. Oil. Head. Fighting big guys, slaying dirty Philistines….and now this?? I just pretended to be FREAKING PSYCHO to save my life! And oh yeah, still wandering around in ENEMY LAND!”

But thankfully, David was not so Jared-like, and its David’s warrior-of-a-life, that Jared now completely looks to live into.

So, I look to the actual construct of the books of Samuel to a clue into God’s desire for my own life; 36 chapters devoted to a 20-year process of becoming King, one verse about actually arriving at King, and then another 19 chapters about the process of being King.

This year has been the most purposeful in my life, as I have had each and every “strength” I counted my own, broken down completely and built back up by faith alone. No. Honestly. I used to think that some of the things I heard from Ted Haggard, Mark Brewer, Rob Brendle and others, were just too “Christianese” to resonate…that it was hyperbole of the faith and I couldn’t quite grasp. Now I get it. Honestly my friends, if you want to truly know what it is like to be humbled—just ask. God will lovingly, but brutally and systematically break down every construct of strength that you have pridefully erected in reaction to the world’s pressure on you. And it won’t feel so great….but it will be the best process of your life. The model can be seen in our own physiology too; just think about what lifting weights is to your body—the process of tearing, literally tearing down muscle, to refine it and build it back up, strengthened and with rest, invigorated in serving its unique purpose on your body (such as the delts and tris for breaking my stupid phone, if it doesn’t stop blacking-out on me.)

Cool. I get it. God values the journey!

…now Dear God, please strengthen me in actually LIVING INTO that truth for my own life. Patience in your perfect timing. Celebration and praise in the perfect refinement (no matter how hard core) you must exact in my life…and thank you God for letting me come to you, letting me walk with the mighty sword and hand of your Son Jesus...and for picking me and the sword up when I go through life falling all over myself. May I one day grow into the armor befitting of the righteous King David! Amen!

Trust but verify

When it comes to politicians, there’s nobody I like more, or respect more than Ronaldus Magmus—the Gipper—Ronald Reagan. I mean, I really respect the convictions, vision and heart of the man. Leadership is so excruciatingly difficult, there’s an entire cottage industry within the leadership segment of writing, dedicated to how lonely it is at the top. Yet, Reagan was unwavering. And he was all the while, totally and blissfully in love with Nancy through their whole marriage and his Governorship and Presidency.

The command with which Reagan faced-down the most dire and challenging monsters of a generation—The Cold War, the threat to civilization in the doctrine of assured mutual destruction, runaway inflation, the Carter economic catastrophe, anemic image around the Globe, (fueled by such a pathetically soft stance on the US hostage-takings in Iran)—is just amazing to me. One of Reagan’s more famous credos, regarding treaties with the Soviet Union in this case, was “Trust, but verify”. All of my adult life, I’ve felt this was so wise and is an awesome piece of advice—if, on the surface seems a little contradictory.

The problem with this “Trust but verify” approach is when we apply it beyond its place in business, politics, treaties and drug testing Barry Bonds. I am not supposed to “Trust but verify” with my wife. I am to trust my whole heart to her. In service, in humility and as I expect to be trusted. I am to trust my whole heart to my wife, in so doing; trusting God that He perfectly selected her heart for mine—and mine for hers. (And for the record, I do trust Jill and her heart. With my heart, life and soul. Entirely. But having been hurt and cheated on before, it’s just a temptation to try & take that trust back.)

The problem, even more severely becomes damaging when I project the “trust but verify” wisdom onto God and my relationship with Him. I find too often that I’m in a place of “trust but verify” faith. It sucks.

How many of you, when you honestly contemplate, do I as I am so guilty of doing; you trust God in word, action and a sort of superficial belief, but just not with all areas of your life? Or you trust God to provide you the strength to fulfill (fill in the blank; usually an area of strength for us), but not to transform all areas of your life and heart. You may trust God fully to provide the treasure of Heaven in eternity for you, but not to “give you life more abundantly” here on earth. Do you ever pray with hope and expectation—but your expectations and hopes in God are already processed through your own self-perception and self-imposed limitations? Do we ever want to trust God to forgive you for your lust, greed, porn-addiction, laziness, pride, or placing our needs and desires above everyone else in our life? But inside, we’re convinced of the lie that we just can’t be forgiven? Or we just ‘haven’t done enough to earn God’s forgiveness’? Do we ever really want to trust God to see us through the time after a death? Maybe our financial struggles or that He is caring for the wayward family member? We want to trust God in these things…but we just don’t fully & completely trust God to do so?

Right? Anyone else? Anyone else struggle with “knowing” just how good God’s grace is, but not quite “believing” it? I know I desperately struggle with the idea of God’s future grace. That the grace and blessing He’s shown me will continue, or that it’s not just marching toward a cataclysmic collapse, so that I might spend some more time camping out in one of life’s proverbial valleys. Or, that He will ever show up & see me through one of life’s tougher times. For me. For my family. It doesn’t matter who I’m praying for…I struggle with this crucial element of my faith.

Maybe because I just can’t immediately ‘verify’? I know I want to. I know it would all be easier if some burning-but-not-quite-catching-fire-bush were to speak to me about my future. If a brother could just get an angelic visit, telling me “everything’s cool and it’s gonna be cool. Relax”. Funny, how much sense it makes to me to “Trust but verify” with everything business, everything Russian (and those looney Iranians and North Korean’s too), and everything about the IRS…and that principle can be so symbolic of a weakness or blind spot in my walk with Jesus.

Crazy.

Ps, Matt I’ll have a double-double, animal style. With fries

Thoughts become words, words become actions...

Actions become habits. Habits become your character. And you character becomes your destiny.

- Frank Outlaw

That quote has resonated with me, at the foundation of my being, since the first time I heard it more than a decade ago. I really, truly believe it. It's foundational for the hope and optimism with which I try to live. (Emphasis on try.)

I really do count myself as an optimistic person. I'm certainly not pessimistic or cynical (I've got enough liberal friends that have the "everything is wrong with ______" world view covered). I do use sarcasm on a regular basis, at times with a dose of cynicism, but its more a part of the smack-talking athlete in me, than the lens through which I see the world.

In fact, the more I've thought about it, the more I realize that the lens of hope and optimism through which I generally see the world and my life, is one of the great distinguishers of "what makes Jared tick". I have always believed in my ability, the opportunity to do and achieve anything, and the limitless success into which I was walking. I have believed in the Broncos every summer, and every Sunday afternoon in the fall. I believed in Michael Jordan every time the ball was in his hands, and every time he was playing the passing lanes on defense. I have believed in our Republican Presidents and Congress. And even when I lost hope in them, I believe in the party of Conservatives to eventually take back the mantle of Reagan and lead this country back into greatness, through goodness. I believe in second chances, and once-idiots like Kobe Bryant making the most of them. I believe in the absolute perfect joy of children, and that we don't have to lose it. Ever. I believe in the human mind and the ability at any age to teach anything, learn anything, and re-think anything save that that has been divinely given by our gracious God. I believe in the word of God being timeless and timely. And I believe it to be the perfect source of instruction. I believe Truth always prevailing, love conquering, right becoming self-evident and evil meeting eternal demise. In God's maturation of me, I realize that I believe these things because of the foundation of faith I have placed in Him.

When I became a Christian (read: Born-again, Jesus-loving, relationship-with-Christ-having, whoa-Jesus-is-transforming-me-constantly-and-its-not-easy kinda Christian), I realized that this confidence was in fact just a Biblical acknowledgement of God's power, ability and desire to accomplish anything through me, that He so chooses to do so. What I mean, is that I started to realize that God had written hope into the fabric of my being, God is the source of the hope and optimism that I hold so dear. And with God, I hope in Him...not myself. In Jesus, I hope in His power & love, not my own. In Christ, I trust in Him to align my heart, blessings, talents, desires with timing and opportunity...and as such, I don't have to 'force it' any more. In Jesus, I trust and hope for the power of the Holy Spirit to be there when I've got a law & grace Dad moment in front of me. Or when I need the emotional reinforcement to fight all of the lies in my head that are constantly running counter to everything I believe and hope in. See, I am totally susceptible to depression, doubt, a lack of faith, belief and hope. The Spirit gets attacked in me all the time. As Mark Driscoll so brilliantly outlines in his sermon on Grace from Mars Hill Church's 9 question series It is the type of God's grace that I struggle with the most; the grace of God's future provision.

So, last week when I used the really cool service (ya'll know how I love really cool web services, stats, data and charts) tweetscan, built for twitter (the micro-blogging, social networking site I use most), I was so excited to see that in my "tweet cloud", or visual weighted, representation of the words I use most commonly on twitter, the results were overwhelmingly positive. In fact, the most dominant word in my vernacular? Love. LOVE! Love. Just take a look at the tweet cloud and you'll see why, by the Grace of God alone, I am so pumped-up!

Amazing. Awesome. Beautiful. Best. Bro. Freaking :) Friends. Friend. God. Great. Jillstill. Happy. Heart. Really. Thanks. Think. Time. And of course, my all-time favorite simple-superlative: WOW!

I just had to share. God truly gets and deserves all of the glory for this reflection, because it is only that which He has deeply planted in me. But I am truly thankful for this Spirit GOd has put in me. It's a daily battle, but with Him, one that I know is having an impact on my life--and certainly those around me--most importantly, the lives of Jill, Emma, Laura, Taylor, Caroline and Brooke.

As Jill and I always say when we're blown away by each other and the mere fact that we're so in love and so blessed to have each other; "Thank you God!"

Daddy time in the little moments

There's something that I've learned in the past 8 1/2 years of being a Daddy, and that is that the most special moments just manifest themselves in the most unexpected times.

Much like elsewhere in life, the opportunities to really love someone, make the day of a stranger, make your spouse or Mom or brother feel loved and valued, come in the little moments in life. They don't just sneak up on you, the just appear. And either you're dialed-in and aware enough to be "present" in those moments, or you're not. They don't just appear because you're in a great mood, filled with the Spirit and all of your bills are paid. No, sometime they just come when you're dead broke, exhausted, somewhat lost yourself, and not because you fit them into family time, a Daddy date, prayer time or anywhere else that you may necessarily have planned.

No, these times just appear. Gifts from God that hit you in the heart and stay in your soul all of your life.

My favorite, most amazing Daddy moment of all time was the spring of 2005 (my first in LA) and I took Taylor and Brooke to the Ocean on a weekday afternoon. I should have been at work, and I think they were missing a couple days of school. We played, chased, ran from waves, built stuff in the sand and did the pretty standard-issue Pacific Ocean stuff you do. Then, as the sun was just collapsing into the horizon, time stood still. Taylor and Brooke ended up wrapped in their towels, in my arms, and we all were just silent. I held them as close as I could and God gave us a glimpse into eternity as it felt like time stood still, as we just a bask in the glow of the descending sun, while were enveloped by the sound of the surf lapping the shore. My heart felt so alive. So at peace. So certain in love. With God. With His love for me. My love for Taylor and Brooke. Total peace and joy. Taylor, Brooke and I have tons of great memories from our times together in LA, but to me, as their Dad, that was the single most special.

Last night was another great Daddy moment, that just appeared out of seemingly nowhere.

The amazing thing about having three girls in the house at the "Crazy age" (between 7 and 18), is that those little moments manifest themselves so quickly and unexpectedly. It is truly such a challenge, but such a joy to be a step-Dad. And I just pray to be "present" enough to capture most of these little gifts from God. I really believe that's where being a father turns into being a Daddy.

Anyways, I was just so blown away that on a night when I came home absolutely emotionally and physically drained and fatigued, that in a matter of moments, the girls has totally transformed that. (Well, that and some great cooking by Jill Still). It started with sharing bruises, then scratches, then stories from their day, then some other craziness, followed by them bouncing off the walls like electrons around an unstable atom.

And then, wham, all of a sudden, Emma is piled in bed next to me with every year book she's ever had. Walking me through pictures of her childhood. Laura and Caroline are in the room too. Making their way to the bed as well because we needed to see if all five of us could comfortably hang out on a queen size bed (we can). There were a couple baths, washed hair, and then I got to brush some hair while is seemed like once again time stood still. A little, rather insignificant way to serve the little girls (brushing their hair), while Emma laid against me, just turned into one of "those moments" in which all felt so right in my heart and the world. So much love, peace and joy. So much Jesus in the presence of it all.

Life is definitely in these little moments, when we're least prepared. My prayer is seriously to be aware and obedient to these opportunities to love everyone around me (do the cats count?) in these moments.

On the Front Lines of Faith, 2007

ON THE FRONT LINES OF FAITH IN 2007

PART ONE. GOD VALUES THE JOURNEY

This year, and reaching back by extension to much of last year, has been the most difficult, challenging, fulfilling, testing, inspiring, heart-breaking and invigorating of my entire life. It has been one of the years where those further detached from me feel I’ve been through hell and am not “happy”, being beat up by circumstances and trial. That’s somewhat true (anyone that laughs as much as I do, does *not* have a happiness deficiency). However, it has also been one of those years that those closest to my life—my small group, Deano, Pastor Keenan and few others as God brought us in & out of each other’s lives and dialogue—have also seen incredible emotional highs, not in reaction to circumstances, but in celebration of God’s strength, redeeming power, faithfulness and powerful grace. This has also been true.

So, where to begin? Let me turn to the lifeblood of the little understanding I’m granted within this hyper-curious intellect of mine: Scripture.

Matthew 6: 33-34

33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Mark 1: 11-13

11 And a voice came from heaven: "You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased." 12 At once the Spirit sent him out into the desert, 13 and he was in the desert forty days, being tempted by Satan. He was with the wild animals, and angels attended him.

These two scriptures I believe to be offer an incredible framework for understanding my recent walk with Christ, as well as providing a model for a bit of analysis, for the sake of continual growth. I will explain further in parts two and three.

But, for PART ONE, first we are going to consider 1 Samuel 16 through 2 Samuel 5

36 chapters in the Bible, covering twenty-some years. David was the youngest son of Jesse when called from the fields and anointed to be King of Israel by Samuel. (I don’t know how young, but given that he was yet pretty small when he kicked Goliath’s arse, I think we can presume he was no older than 10, 12 at the most.)

So, why are these chapters important?

Well, first of all, David is said to be a man after God’s own heart. God clearly does bestow favor upon those that seek Him in the manner that we were created (in His image). David got it. We men should try to get David. We NEED to try to be like David

To me the chapters hold incredible importance because they detail the journey of into King for David. It cannot be over-emphasized; THE JOURNEY into Kingship. “David was 30 years old, he reigned for 40 years and he did so in the following locations. Yada, yada, yada.”

Wow. And there in 2 Samuel 5: 4 you have the boldest declaration by our Lord of how deeply He values the process in life. The Journey! 36 chapters detailing a life of battles, trial, torment, victory, struggle, fleeing, lamentations and praises of David before ever becoming King. Then 2 Samuel closes with another 19 Chapters detailing the glory, fall, sorrow and praise of David as King, but the heavy-hitting truth to me was that so much weight was cast upon the journey into Kingship of a boy that had been anointed decades earlier!

(This is perfectly captured by New Life Church associate pastor Rob Brendle in “In the Meantime”, available on Amazon Rob's Book Here)

Whoa. I don’t know about you guys, but I was never pulled from the field and anointed with oils by Ronald Reagan, nor George Bush 41 for that matter; yet I have felt—I do feel—a calling, a purpose, a grandiose mission in life, which was due to unfold.

All of us men do.

It is authored there by the Holy Spirit and it stirs inside of us when we dare dream those things that a life of “the normalization of assimilation” has stripped away from our unique dreams, desires and callings that are scripted to be perfectly refined by our Lord, using our blessings and talents for His glory.

That’s a long, run-on sentence way of acknowledging that we are not the sole authors of our dreams. And that our dreams and the intrinsic adventure and required belief-in-self are REPRESSED by the social constructs (the world) in which we conform to, when we’re not “seeking first, the Kingdom of God”.

Yet, even after reading Rob’s book, I would still let impatience (inherently distrust of God’s will in my life) take over as I just.could.not.sit.still.and.wait.

How God? How am I best to wait on your timing? I just feel so convicted and strangely, strengthened by this example of David’s life.

I mean seriously, just how short-sighted and weak is it of me to feel so restless and lost in my own life’s desert, when compared to what David went through?

“God, here I am! With all the food I can eat, so that I’ve actually gained weight. I’m living by the beach in Santa Monica…statistically-speaking I am among the wealthiest, healthiest and safest 1% of people to ever walk this earth…whoa-is-me, God….boo-hoo…I am Jared, and I am broke and a not-so-starving entrepreneur…and here I am, here I am, God, where are you??”

Yeah, ridiculous.

Now, there’s no doubt that the amount of spiritual torment and emotional trial I have been through in this past year has been real. And it has been real hard. But I, like so many of us, need a freaking reality check sometimes, and for me, I found that in David.

Hurting. Lost. Failing with the company? In despair. Sinful. Tired. Exhausted. Broke (as if I had forgotten the level of impoverishment in India I saw in Feb). In debt (as if worrying about it all was doing any good anyways), and under attack.”

Yeah, in reflection, I’m reminded of how relative life and relationships just really are. Whereas, my relative pain, struggle and turmoil was big-time to me, I will always count myself among the most blessed people on the planet.

But what I felt I was going through was my own Psalm 55. And it was new. Raw. Rough. I’ve been through a combat deployment and have been through divorce. And you know what, I would have traded being under fire throughout my tour in Iraq, traveling the roads in our “soft” SUV’s for parts of this year, in a heartbeat. This year was that tough.

To me, war is the natural romantic, intrinsically male “battle to fight” that we all search for (well, at least those of us who have not been overly pussified by “sensitive Christian man” movement. You must first be a MAN after God’s own heart, before attaining true sensitivity and righteousness. Trying to be a woman just makes you a pussy.) Sorry for the language and the divergence. Let’s get back to David….

If David was a bit more Jared, we would have had Psalms that sounded more like:

“Really Lord? Freaking REALLY?? Do ye not the oil on the forehead, remembereth?”

“Lord I didn’t tell you I wanted to be King of Israel, you pulled me out of the fields and said, ‘Yep. He’s the one. Bam! Oil. Head.’ Rememberth ye, O Lord?”

“Lord, my God, savior of my soul, if your anointing leadeth one to live and hide in caves, chased to be killed like a wild dog, I would hate to fall out of your favor! Jeesh….”

“O Lord, just HOW busy are you up there that you seem to have lost track of YOUR OWN plan for my life?”

“Remembereth, ye O Lord?? Field. Oil. Head. Fighting big guys, slaying dirty Philistines….and now this?? I just pretended to be FREAKING PSYCHO to save my life! And oh yeah, still wandering around in ENEMY LAND!”

But thankfully, David was not so Jared-like, and its David’s warrior-of-a-life, that Jared now completely looks to live into.

So, I look to the actual construct of the books of Samuel to a clue into God’s desire for my own life; 36 chapters devoted to a 20-year process of becoming King, one verse about actually arriving at King, and then another 19 chapters about the process of being King.

This year has been the most purposeful in my life, as I have had each and every “strength” I counted my own, broken down completely and built back up by faith alone. No. Honestly. I used to think that some of the things I heard from Ted Haggard, Mark Brewer, Rob Brendle and others, were just too “Christianese” to resonate…that it was hyperbole of the faith and I couldn’t quite grasp. Now I get it. Honestly my friends, if you want to truly know what it is like to be humbled—just ask. God will lovingly, but brutally and systematically break down every construct of strength that you have pridefully erected in reaction to the world’s pressure on you. And it won’t feel so great….but it will be the best process of your life. The model can be seen in our own physiology too; just think about what lifting weights is to your body—the process of tearing, literally tearing down muscle, to refine it and build it back up, strengthened and with rest, invigorated in serving its unique purpose on your body (such as the delts and tris for breaking my stupid phone.)

Cool. I get it. God values the journey!

…now Dear God, please strengthen me in actually LIVING INTO that truth for my own life. Patience in your perfect timing. Celebration and praise in the perfect refinement (no matter how hard core) you must exact in my life…and thank you God for letting me come to you, letting me walk with the mighty sword and hand of your Son Jesus...and for picking me and the sword up when I go through life falling all over myself. May I one day grow into the armor befitting of the righteous King David! Amen!