Marriage is for Holiness not Happiness

That's the premise of this book Jill and I were given by my great friend Bruce...and it's earth-shattering in its truth.

I shared that with my great friend & 3-year small-group bro Tim, which prompted him to ask me about it.
God uses marriage to produce holiness in us, not necessarily happiness. Not that they're by any means mutually exclusive...but holiness out of the deep, forging, plodding, extracting commitment to Christ & the relationship produces deep JOY...not the shallow happiness that so much of this world is seeking.

Especially in our culture, (most prevalent in idolatry-centric LA) what's everyone seeking? Happiness right? I think that's a total joke. I'm exceedingly happy--I guess--but it's probably more accurately called joy. Because its been forged by going through some deep unhappiness, producing something that's actually sustainable; joy.

The refining of my & Jill's marriage and our souls has been hard, difficult, and beautiful. Sanctification like I've never experienced...producing holiness and a heart for repentance in us both. We are living the transformation. This book, has just beautifully put it into words.

But it's so counter-intuitive...unless you're willing to have your sin shown to you, cut you, hurt you, and be hurt by someone else's, it's hard to be "happy" in a relationship that is the cleaving of two souls. That's like expecting to watch two continents collide into one another without producing a few volcanoes & an earth quake here & there.

We as any man & wife, are not perfect puzzle pieces (her breath stinks, she has bad gas & my body produces constant rose-petal aromas, just for example)...and as much fiery romanticism as Jill and I share, as much deep passion for each other and life together that we have, we're imperfect, sinful people, of whom God wants what? To be "happy"? Romanced? Healthy & wealthy? He wants us to be in loving relationship with Him and to love others as ourselves. Which manifests itself in our lives in holiness. For two people, the places where we don't 'fit' are our rough, sinful edges. They must be ground-down & cut out to fit into place with the other piece. Places we thought were buried deep until we actually go through life clinging to another soul.

It's so crazy how I feel we are both growing in this holiness virtue, in spite of being shown each others' sin and wickedness up close. This is where God has used it in our lives. I feel we've got a desperation and urgency to be more holy & Christ-like towards each other...which interestingly enough, makes us usually two pretty damn happy people! ;)

Holiness. Happiness.

What are your thoughts? Perceptions? From both in and outside of marriage? Please share!

God Values the Journey. What King David can teach us about the nature of God

GOD VALUES THE JOURNEY. WHAT KING DAVID CAN TEACH US ABOUT THE NATURE OF GOD

2008 PREAMBLE:

This is a re-post of one of the blogs that was most rewarding for me to write. I still find myself working and wrestling through “the journey”.

Many landmark, amazing, incredible things have changed since I wrote this last summer. Jesus has been rocking my world! Most importantly, I am blessed, overjoyed and amazed by the marriage to my best friend and soul mate (who has the coolest name too) Jill Still. I’ve written countless other times about what the true, deep, soulful love has done to my life, hope, faith…and even understanding of and relationship to, God’s love.

I am blessed to know and live into a gigantic part of my calling as a Dad and step-Dad! I am so in love with the opportunity to love and lead our five little angels! It is absolutely the greatest thing imaginable.

I am no longer the dead-broke entrepreneur with no income or hope for financial upside. By the grace of God, I am in a pretty cool role at Raytheon. I now remain as founding-director at Wishy.com, and keep a bit of a stake in the company that I pray so strongly takes-off under the execution and leadership of Deano. Now I manage contracts for cool military technology at Raytheon. Again, by God’s total blessing, I’m well compensated, and while we are definitely dead-broke and barely keeping “altitude”, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We’re trying to be obedient to God’s directions financially, and pray that the long, long journey back to financial solvency can be sanctifying and rewarding as we go through it together.

I am in a totally and completely blessed emotional place as we hit the midpoint of 2008. As Jill well knows, I am not an easy person to go through life with. While I am probably the most emotionally available husband, and live and love with my heart on my sleeve, I am (obviously) very emotional. I ache, I mourn, I lament. I cheer. I love. I love. I anger. I hurt. I despair…and through it all, I am learning to be as faithful as possible to my role as leader in the home, by the striking the difficult balance between humble servitude, gentle teacher, strong correction guy, coach, encourager, and always the loving, affectionate praying husband and Daddy. Whoa, is it hard! I can only do this by the strength and grace of God. But that all is a blog for another day!

I want share what I wrote last year about David and the perspective through which we can see our own lives.

ON THE FRONT LINES OF FAITH IN 2007

GOD VALUES THE JOURNEY

This year, and reaching back by extension to much of last year, has been the most difficult, challenging, fulfilling, testing, inspiring, heart-breaking and invigorating of my entire life. It has been one of the years where those further detached from me feel I’ve been through hell and am not “happy”, being beat up by circumstances and trial. That’s somewhat true (anyone that laughs as much as I do, does *not* have a happiness deficiency). However, it has also been one of those years that those closest to my life—my small group, Deano, Alex, Grant, Pastor Keenan, my Mom & Dad and few others as God brought us in & out of each other’s lives and dialogue—have also seen incredible emotional highs, not in reaction to circumstances, but in celebration of God’s strength, redeeming power, faithfulness and powerful grace. This has also been true.

So, where to begin? Let me turn to the lifeblood of the little understanding I’m granted within this hyper-curious intellect of mine: Scripture.

Matthew 6: 33-34

33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Mark 1: 11-13

11 And a voice came from heaven: "You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased." 12 At once the Spirit sent him out into the desert, 13 and he was in the desert forty days, being tempted by Satan. He was with the wild animals, and angels attended him.

These two scriptures I believe to be offer an incredible framework for understanding my recent walk with Christ, as well as providing a model for a bit of analysis, for the sake of continual growth. I will explain further in parts two and three.

But, for PART ONE, first we are going to consider 1 Samuel 16 through 2 Samuel 5

36 chapters in the Bible, covering twenty-some years. David was the youngest son of Jesse when called from the fields and anointed to be King of Israel by Samuel. (I don’t know how young, but given that he was yet pretty small when he kicked Goliath’s arse, I think we can presume he was no older than 10, 12 at the most.)

So, why are these chapters important?

Well, first of all, David is said to be a man after God’s own heart. God clearly does bestow favor upon those that seek Him in the manner that we were created (in His image). David got it. We men should try to get David. We NEED to try to be like David

To me the chapters hold incredible importance because they detail the journey of into King for David. It cannot be over-emphasized; THE JOURNEY into Kingship. “David was 30 years old, he reigned for 40 years and he did so in the following locations. Yada, yada, yada.”

Wow. And there in 2 Samuel 5: 4 you have the boldest declaration by our Lord of how deeply He values the process in life. The Journey! 36 chapters detailing a life of battles, trial, torment, victory, struggle, fleeing, lamentations and praises of David before ever becoming King. Then 2 Samuel closes with another 19 Chapters detailing the glory, fall, sorrow and praise of David as King, but the heavy-hitting truth to me was that so much weight was cast upon the journey into Kingship of a boy that had been anointed decades earlier!

(This is perfectly captured by New Life Church associate pastor Rob Brendle in “In the Meantime”, available on Amazon Rob's Book Here)

Whoa. I don’t know about you guys, but I was never pulled from the field and anointed with oils by Ronald Reagan, nor George Bush 41 for that matter; yet I have felt—I do feel—a calling, a purpose, a grandiose mission in life, which was due to unfold.

All of us men do.

It is authored there by the Holy Spirit and it stirs inside of us when we dare dream those things that a life of “the normalization of assimilation” has stripped away from our unique dreams, desires and callings that are scripted to be perfectly refined by our Lord, using our blessings and talents for His glory.

That’s a long, run-on sentence way of acknowledging that we are not the sole authors of our dreams. And that our dreams and the intrinsic adventure and required belief-in-self are REPRESSED by the social constructs (the world) in which we conform to, when we’re not “seeking first, the Kingdom of God”.

Yet, even after reading Rob’s book, I would still let impatience (inherently distrust of God’s will in my life) take over as I just.could.not.sit.still.and.wait.

How God? How am I best to wait on your timing? I just feel so convicted and strangely, strengthened by this example of David’s life.

I mean seriously, just how short-sighted and weak is it of me to feel so restless and lost in my own life’s desert, when compared to what David went through?

“God, here I am! With all the food I can eat, so that I’ve actually gained weight. I’m living by the beach in Santa Monica…statistically-speaking I am among the wealthiest, healthiest and safest 1% of people to ever walk this earth…whoa-is-me, God….boo-hoo…I am Jared, and I am broke and a not-so-starving entrepreneur…and here I am, here I am, God, where are you??”

Yeah, ridiculous.

Now, there’s no doubt that the amount of spiritual torment and emotional trial I have been through in this past year has been real. And it has been real hard. But I, like so many of us, need a freaking reality check sometimes, and for me, I found that in David.

Hurting. Lost. Failing with the company? In despair. Sinful. Tired. Exhausted. Broke (as if I had forgotten the level of impoverishment in India I saw in Feb). In debt (as if worrying about it all was doing any good anyways), and under attack.”

Yeah, in reflection, I’m reminded of how relative life and relationships just really are. Whereas, my relative pain, struggle and turmoil was big-time to me, I will always count myself among the most blessed people on the planet.

But what I felt I was going through was my own Psalm 55. And it was new. Raw. Rough. I’ve been through a combat deployment and have been through divorce. And you know what, I would have traded being under fire throughout my tour in Iraq, traveling the roads in our “soft” SUV’s for parts of this year, in a heartbeat. This year was that tough.

To me, war is the natural romantic, intrinsically male “battle to fight” that we all search for (well, at least those of us who have not been overly feminized by “sensitive Christian man” movement.) You must first be a MAN after God’s own heart, as He designed you, before attaining true sensitivity and righteousness. Love Jesus, take the lead, lay down your life for your wife and kids, be emotionally courageous, not constipated.) Sorry for the language and the divergence. Let’s get back to David….

If David was a bit more Jared, we would have had Psalms that sounded more like:

“Really Lord? Freaking REALLY?? Do ye not the oil on the forehead, remembereth?”

“Lord I didn’t tell you I wanted to be King of Israel, you pulled me out of the fields and said, ‘Yep. He’s the one. Bam! Oil. Head.’ Rememberth ye, O Lord?”

“Lord, my God, savior of my soul, if your anointing leadeth one to live and hide in caves, chased to be killed like a wild dog, I would hate to fall out of your favor! Jeesh….”

“O Lord, just HOW busy are you up there that you seem to have lost track of YOUR OWN plan for my life?”

“Remembereth, ye O Lord?? Field. Oil. Head. Fighting big guys, slaying dirty Philistines….and now this?? I just pretended to be FREAKING PSYCHO to save my life! And oh yeah, still wandering around in ENEMY LAND!”

But thankfully, David was not so Jared-like, and its David’s warrior-of-a-life, that Jared now completely looks to live into.

So, I look to the actual construct of the books of Samuel to a clue into God’s desire for my own life; 36 chapters devoted to a 20-year process of becoming King, one verse about actually arriving at King, and then another 19 chapters about the process of being King.

This year has been the most purposeful in my life, as I have had each and every “strength” I counted my own, broken down completely and built back up by faith alone. No. Honestly. I used to think that some of the things I heard from Ted Haggard, Mark Brewer, Rob Brendle and others, were just too “Christianese” to resonate…that it was hyperbole of the faith and I couldn’t quite grasp. Now I get it. Honestly my friends, if you want to truly know what it is like to be humbled—just ask. God will lovingly, but brutally and systematically break down every construct of strength that you have pridefully erected in reaction to the world’s pressure on you. And it won’t feel so great….but it will be the best process of your life. The model can be seen in our own physiology too; just think about what lifting weights is to your body—the process of tearing, literally tearing down muscle, to refine it and build it back up, strengthened and with rest, invigorated in serving its unique purpose on your body (such as the delts and tris for breaking my stupid phone, if it doesn’t stop blacking-out on me.)

Cool. I get it. God values the journey!

…now Dear God, please strengthen me in actually LIVING INTO that truth for my own life. Patience in your perfect timing. Celebration and praise in the perfect refinement (no matter how hard core) you must exact in my life…and thank you God for letting me come to you, letting me walk with the mighty sword and hand of your Son Jesus...and for picking me and the sword up when I go through life falling all over myself. May I one day grow into the armor befitting of the righteous King David! Amen!

Trust but verify

When it comes to politicians, there’s nobody I like more, or respect more than Ronaldus Magmus—the Gipper—Ronald Reagan. I mean, I really respect the convictions, vision and heart of the man. Leadership is so excruciatingly difficult, there’s an entire cottage industry within the leadership segment of writing, dedicated to how lonely it is at the top. Yet, Reagan was unwavering. And he was all the while, totally and blissfully in love with Nancy through their whole marriage and his Governorship and Presidency.

The command with which Reagan faced-down the most dire and challenging monsters of a generation—The Cold War, the threat to civilization in the doctrine of assured mutual destruction, runaway inflation, the Carter economic catastrophe, anemic image around the Globe, (fueled by such a pathetically soft stance on the US hostage-takings in Iran)—is just amazing to me. One of Reagan’s more famous credos, regarding treaties with the Soviet Union in this case, was “Trust, but verify”. All of my adult life, I’ve felt this was so wise and is an awesome piece of advice—if, on the surface seems a little contradictory.

The problem with this “Trust but verify” approach is when we apply it beyond its place in business, politics, treaties and drug testing Barry Bonds. I am not supposed to “Trust but verify” with my wife. I am to trust my whole heart to her. In service, in humility and as I expect to be trusted. I am to trust my whole heart to my wife, in so doing; trusting God that He perfectly selected her heart for mine—and mine for hers. (And for the record, I do trust Jill and her heart. With my heart, life and soul. Entirely. But having been hurt and cheated on before, it’s just a temptation to try & take that trust back.)

The problem, even more severely becomes damaging when I project the “trust but verify” wisdom onto God and my relationship with Him. I find too often that I’m in a place of “trust but verify” faith. It sucks.

How many of you, when you honestly contemplate, do I as I am so guilty of doing; you trust God in word, action and a sort of superficial belief, but just not with all areas of your life? Or you trust God to provide you the strength to fulfill (fill in the blank; usually an area of strength for us), but not to transform all areas of your life and heart. You may trust God fully to provide the treasure of Heaven in eternity for you, but not to “give you life more abundantly” here on earth. Do you ever pray with hope and expectation—but your expectations and hopes in God are already processed through your own self-perception and self-imposed limitations? Do we ever want to trust God to forgive you for your lust, greed, porn-addiction, laziness, pride, or placing our needs and desires above everyone else in our life? But inside, we’re convinced of the lie that we just can’t be forgiven? Or we just ‘haven’t done enough to earn God’s forgiveness’? Do we ever really want to trust God to see us through the time after a death? Maybe our financial struggles or that He is caring for the wayward family member? We want to trust God in these things…but we just don’t fully & completely trust God to do so?

Right? Anyone else? Anyone else struggle with “knowing” just how good God’s grace is, but not quite “believing” it? I know I desperately struggle with the idea of God’s future grace. That the grace and blessing He’s shown me will continue, or that it’s not just marching toward a cataclysmic collapse, so that I might spend some more time camping out in one of life’s proverbial valleys. Or, that He will ever show up & see me through one of life’s tougher times. For me. For my family. It doesn’t matter who I’m praying for…I struggle with this crucial element of my faith.

Maybe because I just can’t immediately ‘verify’? I know I want to. I know it would all be easier if some burning-but-not-quite-catching-fire-bush were to speak to me about my future. If a brother could just get an angelic visit, telling me “everything’s cool and it’s gonna be cool. Relax”. Funny, how much sense it makes to me to “Trust but verify” with everything business, everything Russian (and those looney Iranians and North Korean’s too), and everything about the IRS…and that principle can be so symbolic of a weakness or blind spot in my walk with Jesus.

Crazy.

Ps, Matt I’ll have a double-double, animal style. With fries

Tremendous Victory for the 1st Amendment

I have no idea how we got to where we are, when the 1st Amendment of the Constitution reads:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

establishment does not equal existence.

reading the establishment clause does not exclude from reading the protection clause into law as well.

It's about freaking time we have some judges with the balls to repeal that garbage ACLU agenda of the 1st Amendment.

Next, Pastors in the military need to be protected to speak their Faiths.

jls




A Victory for Religious Freedom

Religious schools should not have to fight legal battles with the government over their right to operate without state accreditation. Texans won that right last week.

The Texas Supreme Court reversed lower court decisions late last week and ruled that state restrictions on what unaccredited religious institutions can call themselves and their education training violate the First Amendment.

The 8-0 ruling overturns two lower-court opinions and a Texas law that gave the state power over seminaries and their training of pastors and religious leaders for the ministry. The court ruled that banning an institution like the Tyndale Theological Seminary in Fort Worth from using the term "seminary" in its name violates the Constitution.

No state government is in a position to regulate how pastors and other church leaders are trained. So, this decision represents a significant victory, not only in Texas but nationwide.

Three religious organizations waged the legal fight. Tyndale, one of the schools, was cited in 1998 for violating a law that requires seminaries to be accredited and prevents unaccredited institutions from awarding degrees. It was fined $173,000 by the Texas Higher Education Coordinating Board. The Southern Bible Institute in Dallas and the Hispanic Bible Institute in San Antonio joined in the suit seeking to overturn the fines and the law.

Although the intention of the law was to crack down on degree mills that issue certificates but require little or no coursework, the effect was much broader.

India Mission Trip Recap (posted after Feb trip)

First, I have to apologize for such a belated post-India letter and blog.

The experience was one of the most amazing of my life..I should have constructed this letter immediately upon our return from the side of the planet, but turns out that that return..when night felt like day, when day felt like night, was when all of my world felt upside-down and when I literally couldn't stay awake but yet with all that was going on in my life, I could not sleep either.

Long story, short..I was back from India a few weeks before I have actually felt like "I'm back". The good news is, Jared is back..the bad news is, it's the beginning of March and all of you are going to give this letter the cursory once-over as you rush back to the conference room to catch the rest of the Arizona vs. Purdue game, and then back to refresh your browser to update your tourney challenge scores. Well, jerkos..come back and read this next Monday..

So, in the midst of being in one of the toughest seasons of my life, I got this not-so-subtle-nudge from God to go serve on a mission trip. Bring out the A-game in my faith. I wasn't so sure. He said I want you to go on the India trip. I tried to bargain for Egypt or something exotic like Brazil. He said, "No. India." All right, fine. I'm going. Great idea God. I'll just leave this job..oh wait, I don't have one. I'll just leave this funded start-up..oh wait, it's not funded. I'll just take the time away from my daughters, my girlfriend, my brothers (we don't even need to go into that) my Mom..yeah, great idea God. India? Why, because I'm friends with an Indian? Is it too late to re-think that Arthur friendship??

Ok, so fast-forward to just before leaving and I haven't raised even close to enough money for the trip. I am dead broke, I have no job and Wishy.com is not funded..I don't need to go to India! Not to mention, I am in the worst emotional, physical and spiritual place in my life..why would I go and be the resident cancer on a mission team?

The night we left my Dad and Mary prayed for me over the phone..much like they did before I left for Iraq. It was at that time that I knew I would be ok, and this was going to be good. The power of prayer people. So real. So powerful.

I started to view the mission part of this mission trip in a perspective that made sense to me; as I was embarking on a military mission. It was time to serve this mission first, team second and put self last. It's just the way these things have to go in my mind. Nothing sucks when you put yourself last. Something I learned in hell week, combat survival training, SERE, boot camp and 179 days in Iraq. Nothing sucks.

So, fast-forward to 2/3 through our first flight (let me just thank our "travel agent" for such awesome arrangements; fly east through Munich, Dehli and Patna, instead of LAX to Dehli direct. Boy that rules! On the way back can we connect in Chicago in a snowstorm, too??). Anyways, so Heidi gets deathly ill on the flight to Munich and at first, Arthur was going to try to run her to the hospital, or stay with her in Munich and we were all going to go on. That's the point at which military red flags went up, and we decided that Arthur, being our leader, should go with the group and I offered to stay with Heidi. I've traveled a ton and still sprechen eine kleine bichen Deutsche, so...it made sense.

Knowing that Verizon was not that global (CDMA?) network, I grabbed Grant's phone at the last minute as we were rushed off the back of the plane upon landing. I got Heidi's Mom's phone number, tried unsuccessfully to get a charger (thinking ahead like Inspector Gadget)..and we were unceremoniously rushed into the ambulance and taken to a hospital in a small town in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night (about 30 clicks from Munich).

A few hours and two IV bags later, we were stuck in a German hospital in the middle of the night..the wrong direction from Munich. We had the most amazingly wonderful people helping us in the hospital, and my German, while rusty, was definitely useful. The nurse helped us find a hotel and drove us there when her shift was over. Amazing (we're returning the favor when she and her family came visit the US this summer).

At this time we realize that Heidi had lost her pouch with all of her money and credit cards, and neither of us had any luggage.

So..we didn't make it out of Munich the next day, and after having the Lufthansa agents check Dehli flights from Rome, Zurich, Fankfurt, Paris and London we were starting to wonder if we would ever get out of Munich and to India. We did get on a flight the following day and arrived in Dehli with no tickets to Patna (final destination..they were with Arthur), no luggage, no phone (it died), no patience and we were all-to-white to get a fair shake in Dehli.

If that doesn't make sense, just think; white/US = money & naïve. We got screwed and harassed over and over by security and Indian Air. We finally had to pay out-of-pocket for business class (imagine that; coach was sold out when we got to the counter. weird) to Patna. I was pissed, exhausted, sweating through the drawers I had been wearing for God-knows-how-many-days..and oh yeah, still no phone, money or energy.

Now, I must highlight the upside of the Germany excursion too. While there was nothing more we wanted than to be with our group and on our mission, God totally blessed the time for both of us. I couldn't sleep and so was left with some serious quiet time to pray..and pray I did. Again, I was in a total hole in life, and I couldn't see or feel God in my life. See Psalms 13 and 116. That's where I was. It was much needed prayer time and I read through I and II Samuel (David's life). I got to meet the US Women's ski-jump team at breakfast one morning in the hotel and had a pretty cool chat with their coach. It was at that time that I realized that my job (being in Germany with Heidi) wasn't that tough..he had to baby-sit 8 freaking women! I only had to take care of one! ? Heidi and I basically got to know each other's life-stories too. It was awesome. Talked relationships, life, the military (she's now engaged to freaking stud F-18 pilot! Yay Heidi!). It was cool.

Anyways, so headed to Patna, Bihar..we were headed into the city with one of the highest kidnapping/ransom rates in the world, a place where nothing moves without bribe, as two white Americans with no idea whether or not anyone would be there to pick us up. Again, awesome.

Seriously, by small miracle, Arthur and the great Panaraj were there to pick us up, having just learned 15 minutes before we landed that we were due in. It was awesome to finally be united with our group.

Man, one of the most beautiful impressions I have from the whole experience was the next morning when everyone was coming into the dining area for breakfast, and in spite of the rustic conditions, jet lag, fatigue and drama, each and everyone of the team members was glowing..just radiant with love and joy..totally the Holy Spirit. I knew right then that really cool things were happening.

So, a little background about where we were. It is called the graveyard of missions. It's predominantly Hindu and Muslim..and pretty militantly so. Christianity isn't exactly welcome.

- There are 90 million people (roughly 1/3 the US population) in a State the size of Iowa
- The literacy rate ranges from 10% rurally to 40% urban.
- The per capita income is $37. Thirty-seven freaking dollars!
- There are 14 murders per day.
- 1 kidnapping every 4 hours
- 3 rapes per day
- Thousands of victims of dowry murders, and countless hundreds of thousands victims of dowry torturing

The place is sick and absolutely hopeless. I honestly can say that Bihar, and other places we traveled in India (on the way to Agra) make Fallujah, Ba'Quba and Baghdad look like Southern California. It is that level of absolute squalor and hopelessness there.

Well, hopeless to all but those that have heard the Gospel of Christ. This is what will forever impact my life. The absolute joy and peace and certainty of love that these Christians had there. And people, they didn't enjoy life in Southern California and the freedom of worship and assembly that we take for granted. This JOY, this literal TRUTH was in the hearts in the face of total evil. In the face of the beatings that they had taken for their faith. In the face of being ostracized from their families..the very family structure that represents all foundation in rural India.

Oh my God, my friends..I can't even find the text to explain the real and truthful joy in our friends hearts. It was just so humbling. And faith confirming. Beautiful, monumental, seismic in its' awesomeness, rawness and disarming power. In the absence of so much, they have found everything they need. In the midst of all of the corruption of man, they have found the path to seeing the beauty in your fellow man and woman.

And wow..the Old Testament level of miracles being worked there. It's just so freaking powerful.

One man was his village mute. Nobody had ever heard him speak a word in his life. He was untouchable. Literally the village idiot..until he was saved by Christ, now he will be leading..and speaking to..his Church in his village. Now if that isn't the power to share about our mighty God, I don't know what is! He spoke to tell us this story a short few months after the first time anyone had ever heard him speak.

Another man was a cold-blooded assassin (no really..killed people for money) until he heard about the grace and forgiveness of Jesus. He learned what forgiveness truly was. And for that, he was summarily rejected by his family and his father 'kept' his wife and children because he refused to renounce his faith. As time passed, his father came to see the joy in the face of his once-murdering-son, and has come along with the rest of the family to accept Christ. Simply incredible.

The stories could go on and on..

Funniest thing..or maybe I should say coolest thing..to me was that they were BLOWN AWAY that we painted their classroom. Jeremy, (my cousin) and I have painted probably 7 or 8 rooms between or 3 condos since I've live in LA..it's just something I'm used to and take seriously. When I've got that brush, I want to do a good job. So did Heidi, Brooke, Mona, Grant and Mandy. And the Indian's were floored by that. That us "big, important, rich, powerful" Americans would travel across the world and do such lowly work. And have fun doing it!?! We could pay someone much lower in class than the students themselves to paint the classroom, but we would do it ourselves?!? They say that they learned through that that no work is too low of work, when done with a serving heart and for God's glory.

India was the 30th country that I've been to, so I've long since known and understood the blessings we enjoy here in the US. But this experience was something entirely different, it was a conviction about the amount and extent of joy that I need to keep in my heart, throughout my life. Throughout all circumstances. I simply am far too blessed in this life. Beyond any rationale explanation, for me to ever, ever again lose joy in my life. I have it all. The coinciding of this conviction, peace and rebuilding of joy in my life was no coincidence..it was completely designed to come along as the lifeline in my heart. I am certain of that. I am certain I had to have this time with other believers, going through absolutely crazy trials and attacks. It was the real war-type-of-fire that I needed for my soul. You just never know how alive you are until you've been a) In love and b) in war. Having been through and enthralled in both, I can tell you..we were ALIVE on this trip. Wow..

While we were gone, my car was broken into, and $1,000-plus damage done and even more goods stolen. Mona had hundreds of dollars worth of possessions stolen from her suitcase. Heidi's sickness is totally unexplainable. Our luggage, tickets, phone, money, harassment and feeling of helplessness and exploitations in Dehli..and then of course, the nightmare 48 hours of travel back to Los Angeles just to finish us off. It was freaking crazy. We had been up for 60 hours (minus the crappy, pain-filled, blood-clot-inducing, quasi-sleep on the plane). I got 7 hours of sleep combined in the 2 days BEFORE the 60 hour excursion. I seriously am still tired.

And every single bit of it was worth it. It was incredible and a total honor.

I will for the rest of my life be contributing in financial and professional ways to the BORN (Bihar Outreach Network) Church and their Evangelical mission. It is just so amazing and so awesome.

I feel so fortunate to have been able to go on this journey. And as is always true in the beautiful dichotomy of service..I definitely received far more than I could ever have given. Those of you that helped in prayer..it was completely needed. Those of you that helped financially..it was also completely needed, and I am grateful and humbled. Thank you.

And to Arthur..rock on bro. You did a great job! Don't talk to me for another 3 years. :)

And to Saitan-Singh, Panny, Mona, Brooke, Suzie-Simosa, Mandy, and Heidi..I love each of your hearts greatly. Thank you for being a part of rebuilding my heart while I was gone. I cannot wait to serve with you all again.

And Brooke and Taylor..thanks for missing me so much. Love you :)

Jls

The J-Dam

my photos :)

http://s41.photobucket.com/albums/e282/jaredstill/India/

On the Front Lines of Faith, 2007

ON THE FRONT LINES OF FAITH IN 2007

PART ONE. GOD VALUES THE JOURNEY

This year, and reaching back by extension to much of last year, has been the most difficult, challenging, fulfilling, testing, inspiring, heart-breaking and invigorating of my entire life. It has been one of the years where those further detached from me feel I’ve been through hell and am not “happy”, being beat up by circumstances and trial. That’s somewhat true (anyone that laughs as much as I do, does *not* have a happiness deficiency). However, it has also been one of those years that those closest to my life—my small group, Deano, Pastor Keenan and few others as God brought us in & out of each other’s lives and dialogue—have also seen incredible emotional highs, not in reaction to circumstances, but in celebration of God’s strength, redeeming power, faithfulness and powerful grace. This has also been true.

So, where to begin? Let me turn to the lifeblood of the little understanding I’m granted within this hyper-curious intellect of mine: Scripture.

Matthew 6: 33-34

33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Mark 1: 11-13

11 And a voice came from heaven: "You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased." 12 At once the Spirit sent him out into the desert, 13 and he was in the desert forty days, being tempted by Satan. He was with the wild animals, and angels attended him.

These two scriptures I believe to be offer an incredible framework for understanding my recent walk with Christ, as well as providing a model for a bit of analysis, for the sake of continual growth. I will explain further in parts two and three.

But, for PART ONE, first we are going to consider 1 Samuel 16 through 2 Samuel 5

36 chapters in the Bible, covering twenty-some years. David was the youngest son of Jesse when called from the fields and anointed to be King of Israel by Samuel. (I don’t know how young, but given that he was yet pretty small when he kicked Goliath’s arse, I think we can presume he was no older than 10, 12 at the most.)

So, why are these chapters important?

Well, first of all, David is said to be a man after God’s own heart. God clearly does bestow favor upon those that seek Him in the manner that we were created (in His image). David got it. We men should try to get David. We NEED to try to be like David

To me the chapters hold incredible importance because they detail the journey of into King for David. It cannot be over-emphasized; THE JOURNEY into Kingship. “David was 30 years old, he reigned for 40 years and he did so in the following locations. Yada, yada, yada.”

Wow. And there in 2 Samuel 5: 4 you have the boldest declaration by our Lord of how deeply He values the process in life. The Journey! 36 chapters detailing a life of battles, trial, torment, victory, struggle, fleeing, lamentations and praises of David before ever becoming King. Then 2 Samuel closes with another 19 Chapters detailing the glory, fall, sorrow and praise of David as King, but the heavy-hitting truth to me was that so much weight was cast upon the journey into Kingship of a boy that had been anointed decades earlier!

(This is perfectly captured by New Life Church associate pastor Rob Brendle in “In the Meantime”, available on Amazon Rob's Book Here)

Whoa. I don’t know about you guys, but I was never pulled from the field and anointed with oils by Ronald Reagan, nor George Bush 41 for that matter; yet I have felt—I do feel—a calling, a purpose, a grandiose mission in life, which was due to unfold.

All of us men do.

It is authored there by the Holy Spirit and it stirs inside of us when we dare dream those things that a life of “the normalization of assimilation” has stripped away from our unique dreams, desires and callings that are scripted to be perfectly refined by our Lord, using our blessings and talents for His glory.

That’s a long, run-on sentence way of acknowledging that we are not the sole authors of our dreams. And that our dreams and the intrinsic adventure and required belief-in-self are REPRESSED by the social constructs (the world) in which we conform to, when we’re not “seeking first, the Kingdom of God”.

Yet, even after reading Rob’s book, I would still let impatience (inherently distrust of God’s will in my life) take over as I just.could.not.sit.still.and.wait.

How God? How am I best to wait on your timing? I just feel so convicted and strangely, strengthened by this example of David’s life.

I mean seriously, just how short-sighted and weak is it of me to feel so restless and lost in my own life’s desert, when compared to what David went through?

“God, here I am! With all the food I can eat, so that I’ve actually gained weight. I’m living by the beach in Santa Monica…statistically-speaking I am among the wealthiest, healthiest and safest 1% of people to ever walk this earth…whoa-is-me, God….boo-hoo…I am Jared, and I am broke and a not-so-starving entrepreneur…and here I am, here I am, God, where are you??”

Yeah, ridiculous.

Now, there’s no doubt that the amount of spiritual torment and emotional trial I have been through in this past year has been real. And it has been real hard. But I, like so many of us, need a freaking reality check sometimes, and for me, I found that in David.

Hurting. Lost. Failing with the company? In despair. Sinful. Tired. Exhausted. Broke (as if I had forgotten the level of impoverishment in India I saw in Feb). In debt (as if worrying about it all was doing any good anyways), and under attack.”

Yeah, in reflection, I’m reminded of how relative life and relationships just really are. Whereas, my relative pain, struggle and turmoil was big-time to me, I will always count myself among the most blessed people on the planet.

But what I felt I was going through was my own Psalm 55. And it was new. Raw. Rough. I’ve been through a combat deployment and have been through divorce. And you know what, I would have traded being under fire throughout my tour in Iraq, traveling the roads in our “soft” SUV’s for parts of this year, in a heartbeat. This year was that tough.

To me, war is the natural romantic, intrinsically male “battle to fight” that we all search for (well, at least those of us who have not been overly pussified by “sensitive Christian man” movement. You must first be a MAN after God’s own heart, before attaining true sensitivity and righteousness. Trying to be a woman just makes you a pussy.) Sorry for the language and the divergence. Let’s get back to David….

If David was a bit more Jared, we would have had Psalms that sounded more like:

“Really Lord? Freaking REALLY?? Do ye not the oil on the forehead, remembereth?”

“Lord I didn’t tell you I wanted to be King of Israel, you pulled me out of the fields and said, ‘Yep. He’s the one. Bam! Oil. Head.’ Rememberth ye, O Lord?”

“Lord, my God, savior of my soul, if your anointing leadeth one to live and hide in caves, chased to be killed like a wild dog, I would hate to fall out of your favor! Jeesh….”

“O Lord, just HOW busy are you up there that you seem to have lost track of YOUR OWN plan for my life?”

“Remembereth, ye O Lord?? Field. Oil. Head. Fighting big guys, slaying dirty Philistines….and now this?? I just pretended to be FREAKING PSYCHO to save my life! And oh yeah, still wandering around in ENEMY LAND!”

But thankfully, David was not so Jared-like, and its David’s warrior-of-a-life, that Jared now completely looks to live into.

So, I look to the actual construct of the books of Samuel to a clue into God’s desire for my own life; 36 chapters devoted to a 20-year process of becoming King, one verse about actually arriving at King, and then another 19 chapters about the process of being King.

This year has been the most purposeful in my life, as I have had each and every “strength” I counted my own, broken down completely and built back up by faith alone. No. Honestly. I used to think that some of the things I heard from Ted Haggard, Mark Brewer, Rob Brendle and others, were just too “Christianese” to resonate…that it was hyperbole of the faith and I couldn’t quite grasp. Now I get it. Honestly my friends, if you want to truly know what it is like to be humbled—just ask. God will lovingly, but brutally and systematically break down every construct of strength that you have pridefully erected in reaction to the world’s pressure on you. And it won’t feel so great….but it will be the best process of your life. The model can be seen in our own physiology too; just think about what lifting weights is to your body—the process of tearing, literally tearing down muscle, to refine it and build it back up, strengthened and with rest, invigorated in serving its unique purpose on your body (such as the delts and tris for breaking my stupid phone.)

Cool. I get it. God values the journey!

…now Dear God, please strengthen me in actually LIVING INTO that truth for my own life. Patience in your perfect timing. Celebration and praise in the perfect refinement (no matter how hard core) you must exact in my life…and thank you God for letting me come to you, letting me walk with the mighty sword and hand of your Son Jesus...and for picking me and the sword up when I go through life falling all over myself. May I one day grow into the armor befitting of the righteous King David! Amen!